May 28th 2011

She's a girl who likes raindrops
and polka dots
and things in small packages.
He's six foot three so unlike before
to my dear little sister
less is no longer more.

it doesn 't take much for these two
to burn in the sun
but to avoid that pain
they inspire each other
to dance in the rain,
and ski in the snow,
build castles in the sand
and walk through the grocery store
still holding hands.

His patience puts out her fire.
Her patience buys him skis.
She accepts his love of pork rinds,
and he that she prefers kraft mac 'n cheese,

..raisin bran from time to time
and one less pump in her latte,
stronger rather than weaker
which he agrees is the right way.

check out the statistics,
don't just take it from me
100% of people polled
wholeheartedly agree
they're way better together than they'll ever be apart.
so here's to the best parts of their love story
making a start.

cheers

present in the moments

just a reminder to myself about how sometimes i let myself get caught up in the shiny-ness of other peoples lives at times, coveting their situations or adventures.  when this happens all i am doing is making myself miss the amazing things going on in my own life and taking away the beauty of blessings.


present moments

in the quiet moments
i hate that my thoughts
mostly lean towards things that i want

i find i'm so caught up in
the should have beens
i don't see that i need what i've got

i don't see that my needs
have been met exactly
a story written by a Writer more creative than me
who knows love more than me
who wrote the book on beauty

who is timeless and ageless
i need that courageous
that contentment
that lack of resentment

my prayer is this
grant me common sense
to live life forward facing
to save the blessings that i'm wasting
and presence in silence
so i don't miss a life of moments

~kbh

for a friend

in some situations everybody is giving everything and nobody can receive enough gratitude or acknowledgement for their sacrifices or loss.  we forget that it's not about the accolades collected in this world, or feeling numb to sacrifice, but instead is about finding and sharing the Blessings.

dry well

sometimes i think "why give?"

why dip out of my suffering well

so that others might live?

why do i wash their feet

when my own throat cries for a drink

of that Living water

when they don't even bother

to thank you

for what you've done

and for what you do.

my pride tries to flatter me

but the poisonous thoughts 

simply batter me

pushing aside what i know

about how Living water is meant to flow

from God through me.

it's not meant to pool,

hording it like a fool

who doesn't know that you

cast your Bread upon the water

and accept ten-fold back from a loving Father.

                                        ~kbh

changing zip codes

a lot has happened since i last had a chance to move any of my writing from paper to here.  to sum it up quickly i would say that life has taken me to a new zip code.  i have shelved my dreams of birch trees and short growing seasons for awhile to set out on the path God has laid before David and i for this era in our lives.

it was not apparent to me right away that this was God's plan, i only hoped it was because that would be the only way that all of my joy could survive it.  i'm not sure if you've ever been blessed by very sudden and poignant insight to what God has done in your life, i was, and i'll never be the same.  Here is that story:  David and i moved from alaska down to washington because that is where we could find decent jobs.  leaving AK and my family broke my heart, but thinking that it was meant to be, that i wasn't going it alone and that Bellingham is a stepping off point for many beautiful places and people, kept me on-board with the journey.

two months after arriving in bellingham and starting our new jobs, we were blessed with a most amazing Christmas with David's family 2hrs south of us.  after the joyous weekend we packed up our Christmas tidings and headed back up to Bellingham.  three hours after arriving home we received a phone call saying David's dad was in the hospital as he had just had a grand mal seizure.  two days later we found out it was a tumor.  one day later we found out it was cancerous, 30 seconds later we found out that it is terminal and 1 second later we understood why God moved us down here from alaska.

so here we are, in washington, struggling to understand the precious nature of scant time, facing a large dose of morality with a much smaller backdrop of God's majesty but with the certainty of God's hand.

recycle

i wish i could recycle

the life people throw away

i'd re-use, i'd re-purpose,

i'd re-deal discarded days

sift through all the rubble for

the time they long to grasp

repair links in broken chains

while others undo the clasp

because they didn't ask for 

24 more hours

24

more

i'll take theirs and 

make it ours

~kbh

what it is

i feel it deep inside of me

something i know you can see

because it climbs

and i know it comes though in my eyes.

it's a lot of caring 

and not a lot of knowing

about how to handle tears

or how to battle fears

of drowning

without telling you how to swim,

or that you'll somehow breathe without him.

it's a great big longing

with some uncertainty

it if's too soon for my style

of finding humor and coaxing a smile?

and laughing?

without skipping your time to cry

and allowing the sadness to run itself dry.

it's the knowledge that 

i haven't been there,

i haven't been where you are

life has not yet taken me that far.

but i want to

be present here with you,

set-up camp and sit with you

and together you and i

will watch the storm clouds in the sky

and pray for the rainbow.

~kbh

immunity

God does not grant immunity to pain. 

you can love Jesus, but you will still feel pain brought on by a heart created in God's image living in a world whose tactic it is to distract from pain, never remove it.  you can always find pain, always.  that's why you have to fight for Love.  fight to find Love, feel Love, see Love and seperate it from lust, dependency and comfort.  Love is not the absence of pain, it is the presence of something far more beautiful and lasting.  if you need a picture:  Jesus loved us in a way that took on all the responsibility for nurturing and pursuing and giving in the relationship, and then never told us we weren't pulling our weight.  then God had to punish His children for not pulling any weight in their relationship with Him.  we never saw that punishment, Jesus shouldered that yoke of burden for us as well.  after we finished abusing, neglecting and ignoring Jesus, He said to His Father; they don't know any better.  then His actions said; since they don't know how to Love, I will Love enough for them and I will show them what Love looks like.  Jesus suffered much pain to show us Love.  Love is sometimes sacrifice.  Love often comes with pain. 

God does not grant us immunity to pain because He still hopes we can learn from Jesus how to Love.

cracked

i came upon a crack today

in my cement foundation

your Love was fighting to get in

and break my isolation

hammers and the like abound

who knew tender was the key

i only hope these two small leaves

will grow into a tree

All Dogs go to Heaven

i have learned a lot from dogs.

i have learned about dogs themselves and I have learned about myself.

for many years humanity has separated themselves into two groups; dog people and cat people. 

i submit that a more pronounced distinction would be between those that have pets and those that do not. 

i know that dog lovers are often labeled as the acceptors of much dedicated and complete love, while cat owners are thought of as those that partake in the ups and downs of an intelligent and temperamental love, but to me there is a greater distinction. that greater distinction is between those that open themselves up to the invasion of life and vulnerability of loss, and those that do not.

it is a known fact that unless you have a koi pond, geoduck, tortoise, hydra, bowhead whale or parrot; you will probably out-live your pet. that means that unless you are a very unfeeling person, or someone who views their pets simply as objects of entertainment, you will feel the pain of a great loss.

sometimes the truest form of unconditional love can be found in the eyes of your labrador retriever. if you ever want to see an example of what a life looks like when it is completely dedicated to something, look at your dog’s dedication to you. it makes you wonder if God gave us this picture of canine love, obedience and dedication because it is rare to find its equal in any human life.

These are beautiful gifts that bring joy, laughter, anger, comfort and then sadness as you watch them grow old.

you watch them lose their ability to do everything they once loved.

you watch them follow you around still trying to show you how much they love you even when they are obviously in pain and you don’t know what hurts or how to help.

then finally, you wonder if it is all too much.

you wonder if you should help them end their pain. if it is too soon, if maybe they’ll still have some good days.

you wonder if you made the right choice.

you wonder were their favorite spot was and if you should plant a tree or build a bench to come and visit.

 you wonder if you can ever get another dog, if they could ever be as good.

and above all you hope.

you hope that all dogs go to Heaven.

We Love you Sadie

unfinished business

i did not realize that starting a blog would be so hard.  i did not realize that knowing other people may see it would make me care so much about every small detail of my content, diction and even page design.  my new blog's resolution is to not care so much.  it is my goal to represent myself, flaws and all, honestly to myself and whoever else may read.  i am out of inspiration this evening (that isn't sarcastic, which i am too often) and am posting something i wrote during a rather busy time in my life when i was able to work with some fabulous individuals who taught me a lot about myself.  more on that later. 

unfinished business

half eaten whole wheat

on a dirty breakfast plate.

laundry in the dryer

worn wrinkled running late.

tea from yesterday

whose leaves tell a fortune,

of things left hanging

by one who bit off more than their portion

in this short life,

of before 9 and way after 5.

leaving crumbs of unfinished business trailing behind.

fitting big dreams into small cocoons.

lacking the mileage to upgrade to more leg room,

but pay that no mind because

sometimes

windows are better than aisles,

and occasionally when you’re trapped

is when you can see for miles.

see that you’re not alone

in trying to affect the globe

as all the pavement, every home

rarely gives break to trees anymore.

people competing with their Maker

they upgrade, renovate and update

trying to out create the Creator.

your dams can not hold His rivers.

you’ll never give enough of yourself

to out-give The Giver.

though i seek His will

i often stumble,

then gripe about big shoes to fill

and unfinished business

as though life is a contest

with a consolation prize

for comparing splits

with other who are running the same race,

and all this rambling is me just trying to state:

though loose ends make me want to hit my head.

this morning I chose to hit my knees instead.

because,

our business is better left unfinished

so as not to diminish

the perfect purpose created by God

for His scattered children.