be the change

this isn't a speech from my soapbox.  it is a reminder to myself.  too many good relationships have withered waiting for someone else to water them, and it kills me.


be the change

be the change.
be the whole damn dollar.
be all one hundred cents,
one hundred per-cents.

don't talk about fair.
i know a lot isn't.
you can't change fair,
but you can change you.

breaking down the numbers:
one hundred percent their fault.
maybe ninety five.
if you're honest... maybe less.

the past three months,
seven days a week,
never once there four you.
three, seven, four.. eighty four.

you've established that.
it's mostly their fault.
but in this case,
it will be both of your loss.

the hardest person to change?
that's you.
the only person you can change?
that's you too.

give up what makes you less
to try and invest more
and see if they might be inspired
to pay you in kind

if you see some value in them
and some ugly in you,
then start handing it in.
as a down payment.

on the person you would want to be.
with them,
or without them.
with yourself.

too big to be broken down into change?
afraid what you are given back will be;
too small,
not enough.

your risk, your responsibility,
your reward.
their risk, their responsibility,
isn't yours.

then,
in the long run,
you really wont be the one
that's been short-changed.

~k

here he comes!

henry van dyke said it better than i can currently:

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

beautiful and peaceful way of looking at it.

~kbh

May 28th 2011

She's a girl who likes raindrops
and polka dots
and things in small packages.
He's six foot three so unlike before
to my dear little sister
less is no longer more.

it doesn 't take much for these two
to burn in the sun
but to avoid that pain
they inspire each other
to dance in the rain,
and ski in the snow,
build castles in the sand
and walk through the grocery store
still holding hands.

His patience puts out her fire.
Her patience buys him skis.
She accepts his love of pork rinds,
and he that she prefers kraft mac 'n cheese,

..raisin bran from time to time
and one less pump in her latte,
stronger rather than weaker
which he agrees is the right way.

check out the statistics,
don't just take it from me
100% of people polled
wholeheartedly agree
they're way better together than they'll ever be apart.
so here's to the best parts of their love story
making a start.

cheers

present in the moments

just a reminder to myself about how sometimes i let myself get caught up in the shiny-ness of other peoples lives at times, coveting their situations or adventures.  when this happens all i am doing is making myself miss the amazing things going on in my own life and taking away the beauty of blessings.


present moments

in the quiet moments
i hate that my thoughts
mostly lean towards things that i want

i find i'm so caught up in
the should have beens
i don't see that i need what i've got

i don't see that my needs
have been met exactly
a story written by a Writer more creative than me
who knows love more than me
who wrote the book on beauty

who is timeless and ageless
i need that courageous
that contentment
that lack of resentment

my prayer is this
grant me common sense
to live life forward facing
to save the blessings that i'm wasting
and presence in silence
so i don't miss a life of moments

~kbh

for a friend

in some situations everybody is giving everything and nobody can receive enough gratitude or acknowledgement for their sacrifices or loss.  we forget that it's not about the accolades collected in this world, or feeling numb to sacrifice, but instead is about finding and sharing the Blessings.

dry well

sometimes i think "why give?"

why dip out of my suffering well

so that others might live?

why do i wash their feet

when my own throat cries for a drink

of that Living water

when they don't even bother

to thank you

for what you've done

and for what you do.

my pride tries to flatter me

but the poisonous thoughts 

simply batter me

pushing aside what i know

about how Living water is meant to flow

from God through me.

it's not meant to pool,

hording it like a fool

who doesn't know that you

cast your Bread upon the water

and accept ten-fold back from a loving Father.

                                        ~kbh

changing zip codes

a lot has happened since i last had a chance to move any of my writing from paper to here.  to sum it up quickly i would say that life has taken me to a new zip code.  i have shelved my dreams of birch trees and short growing seasons for awhile to set out on a different path.

so here we are, in washington, struggling to understand the precious nature of scant time, facing a large dose of mortality with a much smaller backdrop of God's majesty but with the certainty of God's hand.

recycle

i wish i could recycle

the life people throw away

i'd re-use, i'd re-purpose,

i'd re-deal discarded days

sift through all the rubble for

the time they long to grasp

repair links in broken chains

while others undo the clasp

because they didn't ask for 

24 more hours

24

more

i'll take theirs and 

make it ours

~kbh

what it is

i feel it deep inside of me

something i know you can see

because it climbs

and i know it comes though in my eyes.

it's a lot of caring 

and not a lot of knowing

about how to handle tears

or how to battle fears

of drowning

without telling you how to swim,

or that you'll somehow breathe without him.

it's a great big longing

with some uncertainty

it if's too soon for my style

of finding humor and coaxing a smile?

and laughing?

without skipping your time to cry

and allowing the sadness to run itself dry.

it's the knowledge that 

i haven't been there,

i haven't been where you are

life has not yet taken me that far.

but i want to

be present here with you,

set-up camp and sit with you

and together you and i

will watch the storm clouds in the sky

and pray for the rainbow.

~kbh

immunity

God does not grant immunity to pain. 

you can love Jesus, but you will still feel pain brought on by a heart created in God's image living in a world whose tactic it is to distract from pain, never remove it.  you can always find pain, always.  that's why you have to fight for Love.  fight to find Love, feel Love, see Love and seperate it from lust, dependency and comfort.  Love is not the absence of pain, it is the presence of something far more beautiful and lasting.  if you need a picture:  Jesus loved us in a way that took on all the responsibility for nurturing and pursuing and giving in the relationship, and then never told us we weren't pulling our weight.  then God had to punish His children for not pulling any weight in their relationship with Him.  we never saw that punishment, Jesus shouldered that yoke of burden for us as well.  after we finished abusing, neglecting and ignoring Jesus, He said to His Father; they don't know any better.  then His actions said; since they don't know how to Love, I will Love enough for them and I will show them what Love looks like.  Jesus suffered much pain to show us Love.  Love is sometimes sacrifice.  Love often comes with pain. 

God does not grant us immunity to pain because He still hopes we can learn from Jesus how to Love.

cracked

i came upon a crack today

in my cement foundation

your Love was fighting to get in

and break my isolation

hammers and the like abound

who knew tender was the key

i only hope these two small leaves

will grow into a tree